Flour Cannons
by Vietta
Summary: Revenge turns sour and Zack has to hide from an aggravated General.


Genesis sighed and flipped a well-worn page in his copy of Loveless. He had been waiting for what felt like hours for Sephiroth to finish using one of the training rooms so he could get some practice in. The silver-haired man was taking his sweet time today though and Genesis was forced to wait due to the current occupied state of all the training rooms. He read, not quite needing to read the words printed on the page as they were so engraved into his head that it wasn't necessary for him to ever read Loveless ever again. His attention flickered to a spot far down the hall where he could hear footsteps echoing towards him. He didn't need to look up to know who those footsteps belonged to, the sound of the steps alone let him know who it was.

"Room's occupied and there's a waiting line Zack." He stated as he turned another page.

"Not looking to train. Who's in there?" Genesis looked up to see Zack's arms laden with an odd assortment of objects.

"That depends, what are you doing?" Genesis raised an eyebrow at the beaming Soldier.

"That depends," Zack smirked over his load, "on who's in there."

"And if it's Angeal?" Genesis closed his book with a snap.

"Then I have a prank to play." Zack's smile got even wider as he got to work on whatever his quick and immature mind had in store for Angeal.

Genesis snorted derisively, "If you're staying then I'm leaving."

"Why?" Zack looked up, a comical look on his face.

"Because I don't want to be anywhere close enough to be considered an accomplice." Genesis called over his shoulder as he walked down the hall. He wanted to be far enough away to not be considered a part of the prank the mislead Zack was pulling, but he wanted ot be close enough to see the effects of it.

Zack shrugged and focused on the task at hand. "This is gonna be _hysterical!_"

Sephiroth wiped off the small bead of perspiration that was starting to run down his face. He smiled and turned off the simulator, happy that Shinra had finally created a training simulation hard enough for him to break a sweat in. He knew that anyone else would have dropped where they stood hours ago but he only felt pleasantly worked. He smiled and opened the door to the room to see a large cloud of white powder flying quickly into his face. It hit him full on and he was glad he had had the sense to shut his mouth and eyes before it did.

Zack's mouth hung wide open. He tried to stammer together an apology that sounded even remotely intelligent but his mouth quickly stopped working when he saw the confusion on Sephiroth's face turn to anger. He stood up and backed away from his small flour cannon slowly.

"Zachary, what is this?" Sephiroth's voice was calm but Zack could see the anger in his eyes.

He gulped and managed to stammer out and answer, "F-f-flour."

"Why am I covered in it?" Sephiroth looked _pissed!_

"Be-because um...an...ge...i though....didn't mean..." Zack couldn't make his brain shove out an answer. He heard himself mumble something and he was sure Sephiroth didn't have the slightest idea what he was saying.

"I suggest you leave before I hurt you." Sephiroth's voice was still eerily calm and Zack took the opportunity to bolt from the hall. He passed Genesis as he went and could see the small smile turning the corners of his mouth.

He ran until he found a hiding spot that seemed at least somewhat secluded. He sat between a crate and a wall in an alley behind the Shinra building and wrapped his arms around his knees. "He's so going to kill me!" Zack whispered to no one in particular as he rocked back and forth.

"Yo, you here to smoke or hide?" Zack jumped at the sound and held up his hands in an attempt to block his face from what he was sure would be a full-frontal attack. He lowered his hands as he saw the red-headed Turk laugh. "From that reaction I'm guessing you aren't here to smoke. Well, you're not here to smoke anything legal anyways."

"Not here to smoke." Zack leaned against the wall as Reno plopped himself onto the crate.

"Well I am, so either deal with it or get the fuck outta my smokin spot." Reno pulled a cigarette out of his jacket.

"You have a designated spot?" Zack raised an eyebrow as the Turk lit up.

"Yep, it's my spot because Tseng won't let me smoke inside and for some reason I'm the only person left in this building who's 'stupid enough' to smoke." Reno blew smoke out as he made air quotes with his hands.

Zack laughed shakily, still slightly on edge about Sephiroth's inevitable wrath, "Those things will kill you you know."

Reno laughed and blew out more smoke, "The way I see it, I'm gonna get killed by something a lot worse than this before I ever feel the effects of the internal pickling I'm putting myself through now."

"Why do you think that?" Zack leaned forward and rested his arm on his knee.

"I'm a Turk. I'm either protectin' the most hated man on the face of the planet or tickin' off the people that hate him. Part of the reason I need a good smoke every now and again." Reno took another pull on his cigarette and laughed.

Zack shook his head, "Still, that's a pretty grim view on life."

Reno blew small circles of smoke before answering, "Carpe diem my friend. I'm livin' while I can." Reno grinned down at Zack from his perch on the crate. "So why ya hidin' yo?"

Zack looked down at the ground, "I one hundred percent pissed off Sephiroth."

Reno's eyebrows raised, "Why the hell did you do that? The rule is to pick on someone your own size and lets face it yo, you're pretty big, but Sephiroth's able to bend you in half and dip you in his coffee."

"I thought he was Angeal!" Zack threw his hands up in the air.

"How the hell do you mistake Sephiroth for Angeal yo?" Reno laughed.

"Genesis tricked me! He made me think that Angeal was in the training room and I was trying to get him back for the fake snake he put in my bed when we had to go to Wutai last week and I got Sephiroth instead." Zack frowned and punched the ground angrily.

"What exactly did you do yo?" Reno took another long pull on his cigarette.

"Made a flour cannon and set it off when the door opened." Zack sighed and his shoulders fell.

"You're still doing flour cannons? Hell I moved on from those years ago! They're the main reason why Tseng always brings an extra suit." Reno laughed, amusement evident in his voice, "There was a time when he couldn't go three feet without getting flour blasted at him. I even learned how to get flour into his office through the air vents when he locked me in my office."

Zack laughed, "I remember that, you didn't just get his office you got the entire floor coated in flour."

Reno grinned and leaned against the wall as he stubbed out his cigarette and pulled out another one, "Nothing like having three people break down your office door to try and figure out why the vents just shot crap all over them."

"So what did you tell them?" Zack grinned.

"I didn't tell them anything yo, I went out the window." Reno blew out more smoke rings.

"Isn't your office about 60 floors up?" Zack asked, eyebrow raised.

"Yeah, but the person four floors under me has a fire escape." Reno winked and sighed, "Good times yo."

Zack laughed and leaned against the wall. He heard about Reno's varied and almost daily pranks from secretaries and other Soldiers. If a day ever went by where the Turk didn't do something strange and vandalizing people worried what he was planning.

"So, when do you think you'll be safe?" Reno asked.

"Never." Zack shook his head with a smile. "If I get the time in before he murders me I'll try and explain things but I'm pretty sure I won't get the chance."

Reno laughed, "I know how that goes. I've had a few moments like that with Tseng. He hasn't been happy with me since the coffee creamer incident. This is my first time out here since then. You realize I haven't had a cigarette in three days?" Reno growled but the mirth in his voice was poorly disguised.

"The coffee creamer incident?" Zack sat up, knowing the Turk would tell him the details.

"You haven't heard about it yet?" Reno asked incredulously. When Zack shook his head Reno huffed, "I figured it would be all over the place by now. Maybe Tseng hushed it up."

"What'd you do?" Zack asked impatiently.

"I was trying to prank Elena but Tseng got in the way." Reno took another drag on his cigarette, "I mixed a canister of cumin into the coffee creamer since Elena's the only one who ever uses it. Tseng usually stays in his office and drinks his special Wutia blend coffee crap but that day he just _had_ to run out." Reno sighed and shook his head, "Long story short, Tseng drinks the creamer, has an allergic reaction where his tongue swells up like a balloon and his throat closes up and we had to take him to the hospital. Once his tongue got small enough to talk he assigned me so much paperwork that it'll be a miracle if I finish before I'm fifty. This is the first break I've had since." Reno laughed and puffed out more smoke, "You shoulda seen it though! Tseng was really grossed out at first because it tasted terrible and then he started to freak out at me. It only got serious once we realized his tongue was starting to swell up. Before that happened it was obvious even he was having trouble not laughing." Reno smiled and shook his head.

"Glad I didn't do something that serious. I'd have been fired or killed. Depends on who reached me first, Shinra or Seph." Zack laughed wryly.

"They can't fire me yo, no offense but a well trained Turk is a lot harder to fund and find than a well trained Soldier. Mostly because everyone and their brother is trying to get into Soldier so they can be like Sephiroth." Reno stubbed out his cigarette and looked down the alley they were in. "Looks like you need to find a new hiding spot yo, I see a nice scary shadow making it's way down the side of the building."

Zack yelped and quickly raced out of the other side of the alley. Reno smiled and leaned against the wall as a lightly powdered Sephiroth turned the corner. "Hey General, whatcha up to?" He smiled as he tried to buy Zack some time.

"Looking for Zachary. Have you seen him?" Sephiroth narrowed his eyes at the unorthodox Turk.

"Nope, never seen him in my life yo. What's all over you yo?" Reno chuckled as he smoked.

"None of your business." Sephiroth snapped as he snatched the cigarette out of Reno's fingers and put it out on the crate.

"Uncalled for yo!" Reno growled as Sephiroth back the way he came.

"You shouldn't be back here killing yourself with those when there's someone inside who'd enjoy doing it by hand." Sephiroth smiled as he heard the Turk swear.

"Tseng's looking for me again? Fuck! Can't a guy get enough time to scratch himself anymore?" Reno hopped off the crate with a scowl and stuffed his hands in his pockets as he slowly followed Sephiroth back to the front of the building.

"You probably shouldn't have rigged the fire-extinguishers so soon after you nearly killed him." Sephiroth chuckled.

"WHAT! _He_ found the fire extinguishers! That was for Rude! DAMMIT!" Reno yelled in panic as he ran past a laughing Sephiroth.


End file.
